It’s a foggy day here in the Sunset. I was trying not to drink tonight. But I broke down and had one shot of whiskey. Trying to do what you were doing before you met my alcoholic hooligan ass, and keep the drinking to a minimum.
I took today off for the sake of mental health. Did chores. I needed some downtime.
You’re mentioned, peripherally, in the most recent post. Here’s the story. I was talking to KK about my piece on my breakup with Amelie. Then KK asked me, well, why did you date me? So I decided to write her an ex-post facto breakup letter than includes the following: “I have a girlfriend now. And she tells me that she loves me every single day. And I say it to her. It’s a lovely love that mostly lacks anxiety, as we have a high degree of certainty that we’re both crazy about each other. This is what I want for you and your boy.”
It mostly lacks anxiety, this love of ours. I know there are worries. You’re worried that I’ll forget about you. That I’ll go off chasing some new girl. I’m worried that you’ll eventually be persuaded that monogamy with someone is better than being in love with a poly-dude. I know these are worries. So I’m putting them out there on the table. Y’know why?
Because I don’t want to hide a single damn thing from you, my love. I’m a bit of slut. I have been. But right now, I don’t need anything but you and the blog. And it surprises me. I have no idea what the future may hold. And that makes me anxious. I don’t trust myself. But I know I’m not gonna hide a goddamn thing from you.
Besides, I write everything in my blog. So you know exactly what I’m up to.
This trip to Paris. Seeing all these pictures. Well, at the sake of sounding so infinitely fucking shmoopy: I … I look at you and I think, “Goddamn, I love this fucking girl.” And that hasn’t happened in so so long. I just hope that you can accept me for all my strange poly-kinky quirks. Our relationship will never be a normal. But to me it’s extraordinary.
All my love,